


Unholy Matrimony

by ESawyer



Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Connor needs Jesus, Fluff, Kevin needs Jesus, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, i need jesus, mild homophobia, we all need jesus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 15:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20950421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ESawyer/pseuds/ESawyer
Summary: Connor McKinley doesn't like weddings. That is until he finds himself in a secluded cloakroom with his husband.





	Unholy Matrimony

**Author's Note:**

> Mild homophobia

Whenever a wedding invitation slipped through the front door, a small part of Connor McKinley died. And it wasn’t because he didn’t like weddings - because he did - he just didn’t like very straight, very Mormon weddings where there was never any alcohol but there was always stuffy relatives who glared at Connor if he so much as _ looked _ at Kevin. 

“When the fuck did Stacey even get engaged?” Connor moaned. They were getting ready for yet another wedding when another invitation - the second that week - dropped into his emails, “I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend!”

Kevin snorted, “They’ve probably only known each other a week. You know what Mormons are like,”

“We didn’t get engaged after a week,” Connor pointed out. 

“Yes, but it was illegal for us to get married, wasn’t it?” Kevin said, meticulously brushing his hair into place, “and we had sex before marriage,”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” 

“That’s why Mormons get married so quick. So they can have sex without feeling guilty about it,” Kevin shrugged, “but we technically didn’t have sex before marriage because when we had sex for the first time, it wasn’t legal. It makes the whole thing redundant,”

“Why don’t you tell that to the Bishop today, see what he says?” Connor asked, “because I’m sure that he’ll agree that two men having sex before marriage is ok with the church,”

“You never know!”

“Pretty sure I do know,” Connor said, walking over to him and poking him in the side until he moved away from the mirror, “stop hogging the mirror. I need to do my hair,” 

Kevin tutted and wrapped his arms around Connor’s waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. 

“I like it when you style your hair like a proper mormon,” Kevin said, “You should do it more often,” 

“Luckily for you, we have three weddings in the next four months,” Connor grumbled, “which means three more days of Great Aunt Sally still referring to you as my ‘_friend _’” 

“You did friendzone me that one time, remember?”

“Why are you still talking about that? We’re married. Get over it,” 

Kevin laughed and spun Connor around, backing him into the wall. Really, Connor should have stopped him because they did actually have a wedding to attend, but all sensible thoughts went out of Connor’s mind when Kevin started kissing him. He sighed happily into the kiss, his arms hangings loosely around Kevin neck. 

“Ok, no, this is lovely but we do actually have to leave,” Connor said after a while, coming back to his senses, “we’re going to be late,” 

“They won’t miss us,” Kevin said. He dropped his lips to Connor’s neck, “probably won’t even notice that we’re not there,”

Connor shook his head and prodded Kevin in the chest, wriggling out of his grip. 

“No. My dear cousin is getting married and I’m going to support him on the most important day of his life,” 

“You don’t like your _dear_ cousin and he doesn’t like you,” 

“He doesn’t dislike me, he’s just a bit homophobic. So really, _ you’re _the problem. And I don’t know why you’re suddenly acting all pissy about this wedding. You said we had to go!”

“I know, but I think I’d much rather stay here with you. This hotel has really bouncy beds,”

Connor laughed, “You’re in one of _ those _moods, aren’t you?”

“Hardly my fault. You know what you wearing a suit does to me,”

“You’re just going to have to turn it off then, aren’t you?” Connor said, pecking him on the lips, “because we need to spend the day being the straightest gay couple in the world,” 

“We have time for a quickie.” 

“You don’t do quickies, Kevin. You say we’ll only be ten minutes but then an hour later we’re still at it!”

“Never complain about it though, do you?”

Connor retaliated by slapping him on the ass when he walked past him to the door, “Come on. We’re going to be late,” 

“I will get my way,” 

“Hey, I’m not saying we’re not going to have sex tonight, I’m just saying it’s going to be after the wedding,” 

“And I’m saying that I don’t think I can wait that long,” 

“I’m not fucking you at a Mormon wedding,”

Kevin winked, “I always get my way, don’t i?”

“We’re at a wedding! I’m not going to - you know what? I’m not even going to have this argument,” Connor said, grabbing his hand, “just _ behave _for the first time in your life!” 

The ceremony was nice enough. Connor found himself getting bored halfway through and ended up resting his head on Kevin’s shoulder. He plastered a smile onto his face to try and make it look like he actually wanted to be there, but he doubted that anyone was convinced. He had to keep on reminding himself that he should be thankful that his family still invite him to weddings. 

Kevin’s good mood lasted as long as it took for them to find their seats at the meal. Stomach grumbling, Connor sat down immediately but Kevin didn’t. Instead, he stood behind his chair, gripping onto the back of it so tightly that his knuckles turned white. 

“Sit down, weirdo,” Connor said, putting his hand over one of Kevin’s, “What’s up with you?”

“Look at the place card!”

Connor glanced down at it and sighed for it read, “_Kevin Price _,” 

“We’ve been married 3 years! They know it was me who changed my last name!”

“Just sit down, love,” Connor said, “It’s not worth getting upset over,” 

“But I’m Kevin _ McKinley _!” Kevin exclaimed, “It's like they won’t even acknowledge the fact we’re married!”

“We know you are, son,” Connor’s father interjected gently, “but you know what this side of the family is like,”

“And by ‘that side’ you mean your side of the family,” Connor’s sister, Cait, said. 

“Anyone got a pen?” Connor asked, sniggering at his sister and her endless sarcastic commentary. 

He took a pen off his brother-in-law and scribbled out the name Price before writing the name McKinley underneath it. 

“There you go,” Connor said, “Now you can sit down,” 

Grumbling under his breath, Kevin sat down but slumped down in his seat like the moody teenager he often acted like. Connor sighed and leant towards Kevin, kissing his cheek. 

“I hate the way they act like you aren’t part of the family, but you are, OK? You’re as much of a McKinley as I am,”

Kevin nodded and quickly kissed him, “I know. It doesn’t matter,”

And even though Kevin said that it doesn’t matter, Connor could tell that it was still bothering him. He didn’t even seem that excited when Connor asked the DJ to play his favourite song to dance at a wedding to (Bohemian Rhapsody) and was not at all enthusiastic when he danced. 

“Are you sure you’re alright, babe?” Connor asked him, dragging him off the dance floor. 

“Yeah. Why?” 

“Because you look...sad,” Connor said, “I don’t like it when you’re sad,” 

Kevin sighed, “I just feel bad for you because this is your _ family _and they won’t even acknowledge that we’re married!”

Connor looked at the floor. His family had always been a sore spot for him. He would never forget arriving at their wedding and realising that whilst all of Kevin’s family had come, only 10 people from Connor’s had. It had been more embarrassing than upsetting. 

“I don’t really give a shit what they think about us,” Connor said, “I don’t care if they think we’re going to Hell or if they think that our marriage isn’t valid because we didn’t do it in the eyes of the Lord or whatever. All I care about is you. You don’t need to feel bad for me, Kev. I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Of course I’m sure. I would tell if I wasn’t,” Connor promised, standing on his tiptoes to kiss him, “Now, I would suggest we get a shot of Tequila to perk us up a bit, but there's no Tequila behind the bar. I asked. I even offered to pay more, but they don’t even have any in the back!” 

“I can think of a different way to perk us up,”

“Nope,” Connor said, “no. I’m not sucking you off here,”

“I’ll suck-“

“Hello, Aunt Sally!” Connor said loudly, noticing her walking towards them, “Kevin was just saying how much he wants a catch up with you! I’ll be back in just a moment!” 

“Hey, Con, no-“

But Connor was already halfway across the dance floor, making a beeline for the only cousin he had that didn’t make him want to gouge his eyes out. 

An hour later, Connor found a very disgruntled Kevin sitting at a table on his own. Snorting, Connor sat next to him and melded his face into an expression of innocence. 

“So, how is my Great Aunt Sally?”

Kevin glared at him, “she wanted to know how we can go on dates with girls if we spend so much time together,”

Connor nodded, “She has a point. I can’t help but wonder if the reason I don’t have a wife yet is because I spend too much time with my husband,”

“You’re not funny,” 

“I am,”

“You owe me,” Kevin said, lowering his voice and leaning closer to Connor. 

“Do I really?” Connor said, idly brushing his hand through Kevin’s hair. 

Kevin didn’t reply, he placed his hand on Connor’s thigh and started to rub slightly. Connor clenched his jaw and glared at Kevin, who was smiling serenely.

“Are you alright, babe?” Kevin asked, his hand drifting up further, “you look a bit flustered,” 

“You’re a dickhead,” 

“Am I?” Kevin said, his hand coming to rest on his crotch.

Despite the sensible part of his brain telling him to shove Kevin’s hand away, Connor found himself bucking his hips up towards Kevin. Still smiling like nothing was happening, Kevin started to move his hand around and Connor had to bite down on his lip to stop himself from moaning. 

“We’re at a wedding, Kev,” Connor said breathlessly, “we’re surrounded by my family.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Kevin asked, withdrawing his hand, “I will if you want me to,” 

Connor groaned and grabbed Kevin’s hand, moving it back to his crotch. Kevin grinned and began to move his hand again. It wasn’t enough though, and Connor was vaguely aware of the bulge beginning to form in Kevin’s trousers. It was wrong. It was so wrong, but Connor couldn’t help himself. He grabbed Kevin’s hand and dragged him out of the wedding hall. 

“Uh, Con, where are we-”

“In here,” Connor said, kicking open the door nearest to them. 

“A _ cloak room? _ ” Kevin asked with a scoff, “We’re seriously going to - _ oof _,”

Connor loved Kevin, and he loved the sound of his husband's voice, but not at that moment. Now, he needed him doing something very different with his mouth. He pinned Kevin against the door and grabbed his face, pulling their lips together. 

Kevin moaned into the kiss and grabbed Connor’s waist, pulling them closer together and grinding his hips. Connor’s breath hitched in his throat and his hands went to Kevin’s belt, unbuckling it as fast as he could and plunging his hand underneath his boxers. 

“Fuck,” Kevin muttered, throwing his head back. Connor smirked and stood on his tiptoes, sucking and nibbling on his husband's neck, “Jesus Christ,” 

“We’re at a Mormon wedding, dear, try not to use the Lord's name in vain,” . 

“You have your hand down my - _ ah _ \- down my pants, I don’t think it matters,” Kevin said, gripping onto Connors waist tighter, “This is so - _ shit _\- this is so wrong,”

“Want me to stop?” 

“If you stop, I’ll never speak to you again,”

“Do you know how tempting that is?” 

Kevin smacked Connor on the ass and pushed him off him. He sank to his knees in front of him and Connor was moaning before Kevin’s even done anything. 

“Wait,” Connor said quickly, “maybe we should move away from the door. Just in case,” 

They moved deeper into the room, hiding themselves between the coats.

“Wait, not here, that’s my coat,” Kevin said. 

“I’d rather ruin your coat than someone else’s!” Connor exclaims. 

“It’s an expensive coat!” Kevin exclaimed, grabbing Connor’s hand and dragging him to the other side of the room, “this is better,” 

“We’re not helping with the whole ‘gay men are sex-obsessed perverts’ stereotype,” Connor said as he positioned the coat rails so that they were a little more hidden, “if someone catches us, we’re dead,” 

Kevin shrugged, “No one’s going to come in if we’re quiet,”

“Yes, because we’re never loud, are we?” Connor said as Kevin dropped to his knees again.

“Can I actually suck your dick now or are you going to carry on talking?” 

“Take a guess, Kev,” Connor said, threading his fingers in Kevin’s hair and pulling him towards his crotch. 

Kevin grinned and unbuckled Connor’s trousers. Just as Connor was about to stop him and tell him that maybe this was the worst idea that they had ever had, Kevin took him in his mouth and the words got lost on the way to his mouth. Connor tugged on Kevin’s hair as his knees buckled beneath him, his eyes rolling towards the back of his head. 

“Jesus Christ, Kevin,” Connor moaned. 

“What happened to not using the Lord’s name in vain at a Mormon wedding?”

“You’re sucking my dick, I don’t think it matters,” 

Kevin rolled his eyes took him in his mouth again. Before Connor could even think about moaning, the door opened and he froze. He glanced down at Kevin; his lips were still stretched around Connor’s head but his eyes were wide in panic. 

“Shit,” Connor muttered, “Shit, shit, shit,” 

“Get down!” Kevin hissed, tugging on his hand. 

At once, Connor dropped to the floor and crawled over to the corner. Kevin shuffled over to him and pressed himself against Connor’s chest in a desperate attempt to make themselves as small as possible. Through a gap in the coats that suddenly didn’t seem like a very good barrier, Connor could just about see his Uncle Fred and cousin Joe. Incidentally, they were two of his more homophobic relatives and didn’t even like to acknowledge Kevin’s existence. 

Before Connor could relay any of this information to his husband, a hand wrapped around his dick and slowly began to pump. The breath caught in Connor’s throat and he looked down at Kevin who was curled up against his chest, his hand moving furiously. Somehow, the sight of Kevin's wedding ring moving in a blur made it even hotter, and Connor had to bite down on his hand to stop himself from moaning outrageously loud.

“I can’t find this gosh dang coat of mine,” Joe said, “I can’t remember where I put it,” 

“Was it not over there, son?” Uncle Fred asked, his voice getting closer and closer. 

“Might have been. Someone probably moved it,” 

Despite the closeness of their voices, Kevin carried on jerking Connor off like they were in the privacy of their own home. Connor could do nothing but bite his hand even harder and pray to a God that he wasn’t sure he believed in that they wouldn’t get caught. Then again, Connor wasn’t entirely sure that the God he was praying to would be looking out for people like him and Kevin.

It was only when Uncle Fred started to look through the coats on the rail that was directly in front of them did Kevin stop moving his hand. Connor looked down at Kevin, who didn’t look nearly as worried as Connor felt. 

“Oh, no, there it is,” Joe said, mercifully walking to the other side of the room, “Thank Heavenly Father for that, it wasn’t cheap,” 

“You should do what I do and buy all your clothes at Target,” Uncle Fred said. 

“I don’t think I’m going to start doing that, Dad,” Joe said, “I do like to look nice, unlike you,” 

Finally, the door opens and then closes, and they are alone.

“I can’t believe you were jerking me off when two of my family members were in the room!” Connor exclaimed, looking down at Kevin who was laying on the floor with tears of laughter streaming down his face, “imagine if we’d have been caught!”

“But we weren’t caught, Con,” Kevin said, sitting back up and kissing him, “Come on, babe, live a little,” 

Connor laughed quietly, pulling Kevin closer to him again, “How can I say no to a face as pretty as yours?”

“Exactly!” Kevin said brightly, “Now, how do you want to do this?”

“How do I want to do what?” Connor asked, “Just carry on giving me a blowjob. I’m still hard,”

Kevin pouted. 

“I have needs too, you know!” 

“I know. I’ll return the favour after I’ve finished,”

“I don’t want a blowjob,”

“Alright, I’ll jerk you off then,”

“I don’t want you to do that either,”

Connor frowned, quite confused as to what exactly his husband wanted off him until it suddenly dawned on him. 

“Seriously?” Connor asked, “You want me to - _ here _? We don’t - we don’t even have anything!”

Kevin winked at him and then pulled out a condom and a small bottle of lube. 

“Fuck me,” Connor muttered, running a hand through his hair. 

“Actually, I’d rather you fuck me,” Kevin said, pulling him to his feet, “So, how do you want to do this?”

Judging by the fact that he had brought everything they needed, Connor had a feeling that Kevin would have planned for any situation that they might have found themselves in, but Connor also knew that Kevin liked him to take control, and happily obliged. 

He puts his hands on Kevin’s waist and spun him around to face the wall. Before he did anything, Connor reached around and gave his dick a few tugs. Kevin moaned and bucked his hips forward, whimpering slightly. 

“Bend over for me, spread your legs a bit,” Connor whispered in his ear, smirking slightly when he felt Kevin shiver, “and pass me that lube,” 

As quick as anything, Kevin was in position and Connor had pulled both of their trousers down. Casting a furtive glance towards the door, he squirted lube onto his fingers and traced Kevin’s hole. 

“Don’t fuck about, Connor,” Kevin groaned, “just get on with - _ ah _,” 

Without warning, Connor slipped the first finger in and wasted no time in pumping it in and out. He quickly added a second and a third, and he almost came from just the sounds that Kevin was making. He didn’t think that either of them were going to last that long, but that was probably a good thing, given the circumstances. 

“Ready?” Connor asked, withdrawing his fingers. 

“I have been for the last ten minutes,” Kevin muttered, “Get on with it, I want to come,”

“Don’t we all,” Connor muttered, squirting lube onto himself and sliding into Kevin, relishing in the noises that were spilling out of his husband, “Do you want me to move?”

“Yes,” Kevin gasped out, “Please, Connor, move. I need you to - _ ah _ \- yeah, just like - _ fuck _ \- just like that,” 

Connor reached around Kevin again and began jerking him off, syncing up the thrust of his hand and hips. Kevin moans gradually got louder and louder, and Connor wondered if he should tell him to shut up or not, but as he neared his own climax, he couldn’t think straight and his moans joined Kevin’s. 

“Kev, I’m gonna - _ shit _ \- I’m gonna - _ ah - _ you feel so good, baby. _ God _, I love you so much,” Connor moaned, “fuck,” 

“Faster, Con, faster,” Kevin choked out, “I’m nearly - I’m nearly there,” 

One hand firmly on Kevin’s hips, Connor sped up his thrusts, babbling incoherently as he went. Kevin soon fell silent, a sure sign that he was about to come and Connor moved even faster until he felt him shudder and let out a low moan. He slumped slightly against the wall whilst Connor thrust himself through his own orgasm.

“Fucking hell,” Kevin muttered when Connor pulled out, “I can’t believe we just had sex at a wedding,”

“It was your idea!” Connor exclaimed, “Dang it, is there even a trash can here?” 

“Behind you,” Kevin said, breathing heavily. 

“Are you alright, love?” Connor asked anxiously, cupping his flushed face with his hand, “It wasn’t too much, was it?”

Kevin smiled at him and pulled him in for a kiss, “No, it wasn’t too much. It was amazing. _ You _were amazing. I love you,”

“I love you,”

Connor kissed him again and rolled the condom off, throwing it into the trash. He covered it up with a few tissues from his pocket in an attempt to hide it from anyone else who came in, but judging by the way that Kevin was looking, it might have been a pointless precaution. 

“You have cum in your hair,” Connor said. 

“Oh, for the love of - _ everytime _, Connor! Everytime I blow you, you get cum in my hair!” Kevin grumbled, fishing his phone out of his pocket and using it as a mirror, “Next time, try and not get in my hair, yeah?”

“Want to practice again?”

“Don’t encourage me, you know I will,” 

“Oh, shit, it’s on the wall as well,” Connor muttered, “Fuck. We’re so going to get caught,”

“If we wipe it off, no one will ever know,” Kevin said, grabbing a tissue and wiping it down, “See? It’s like we were never here,” 

“Let’s just get out of here before we’re actually caught,” Connor said, pulling his trousers up and grimacing at the wet spot on his crotch. There was definitely no hiding that. 

“Hey, not yet, I want my post-sex make out session,” Kevin said, buckling his belt. 

Connor narrowed his eyes at him, “Post-sex make out sessions always lead to another round of sex, so maybe let’s go back to the room. I don’t want Aunt Sally walking through the door,” 

“She’d probably still think we’re just friends,” Kevin sighed, smoothing his shirt and tie down, “How do I look?”

“Like we’ve just had sex. How do I look?”

“Like we’ve just had sex,” 

“Which is exactly the look I was going for at a family wedding,” Connor said sarcastically, taking Kevin’s hand in his and leading him out of the room. 

"Oh, there you are, Con, mom was - oh my gosh,” 

Connor jumped as he opened the door of the cloak room, almost running into his sister. Her cheeks flushed bright red as she took in the sight before her and Connor groaned. 

“Cait, it’s not what-”

“I don’t want to know,” she said hurriedly, “Mom wanted a picture of us all together but I’m just going to say that Kevin is ill and that this-” she gestured to the two of them, “Never happened,” 

“We’re just gonna go to...go to bed,” Connor said, running a hand over his face whilst Kevin howled with laughter beside him, “See you...see you in the morning,”

“This never happened,” Cait repeated as she hurried away from them, “Never ever,” 

“So,” Kevin said, kissing Connor on the cheek when they got back to their room, “Do you want to practice not getting cum in my hair?”

“Why don’t you show me first?” Connor asked, pushing Kevin onto the bed and kneeling between his legs, “just so I know exactly what to do?”

Kevin leant down and kissed Connor, smiling into the kiss, “Do you know how much I love you?”

Connor smirked as he unbuckled Kevin’s belt. Weddings weren’t all bad.

**Author's Note:**

> Why did I write this, I hear you ask? I don't know, I just felt like it needed to be written because it's an idea that's been floating around my head for a while. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you didn't get the second hand embarassment that I did when I wrote it.
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/e-sawyer)


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